Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would ittake four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.
Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and fourapples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night.
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.
Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half.
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Rehearsal
A blonde, June, goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only $20 each! Comes with 'complete' instructions.
The girl, June, excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!' The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down inbetween your legs, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens!
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store.
The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says: 'LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONLY ONE .. MORE ... TIME!!!'
The girl, June, excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!' As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!' The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:
1. Take a shower. 2. Splash on some nice perfume. 3. Slip into a very sexy nightie. 4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down inbetween your legs, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise . . . NOTHING happens!
The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, 'If you have any problems or questions . please call the pet store.'
So, she calls the pet store.
The man says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.
The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'
The man . . . looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says: 'LISTEN TO ME!! I'm only going to show you how to do this ONLY ONE .. MORE ... TIME!!!'
Learn to Shut Up
On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate down sizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly$1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.'
That's when she shot him.
You know, that's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut...!!!
Sidhu one liners
That ball went so high it could have got an air hostess down with it.
There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.
Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
Wickets are like wives – you never know which way they will turn!
He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala…one falls and everything else falls!
Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.
You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
The cat with gloves catches no mice.
Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason
There is light at the end of the tunnel for India, but it's that of an incoming train which will run them over.
Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald.
This quote was made after Ganguly called Dravid for a run and midway sent him back and Dravid was runout in the third test against the West Indies at Barbados."Ganguly has thrown a drowning man both ends of the rope."
Sri Lankan score is running like an Indian taxi meter.
Statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
Wickets are like wives – you never know which way they will turn!
He is like Indian three-wheeler which will suck a lot of diesel but cannot go beyond 30!
The Indians are going to beat the Kiwis! Let me tell you, my friend, that the Kiwi is the only bird in the whole world which does not have wings!
As uncomfortable as a bum on a porcupine.
The ball whizzes past like a bumble bee and the Indians are in the sea.
The Indians are finding the gaps like a pin in a haystack.
The pitch is as dead as a dodo.
Deep Dasgupta is as confused as a child is in a topless bar!
The way Indian wickets are falling reminds of the cycle stand at Rajendra Talkies in Patiala…one falls and everything else falls!
Indian team without Sachin is like giving a Kiss without a Squeeze.
You cannot make Omelets without breaking the eggs.
Deep Dasgupta is not a Wicket Keeper, he is a goal keeper. He must be given a free transfer to Manchester United.
He will fight a rattlesnake and give it the first two bites too.
One, who doesn't throw the dice, can never expect to score a six.
This was uttered after Eddie Nichols, the third umpire, ruled Shivnarine Chanderpaul 'NOT OUT' in the second test at Port of Spain, T&T. "Eddie Nichols is a man who cannot find his own buttocks with his two hands."
Anybody can pilot a ship when the sea is calm.
Nobody travels on the road to success without a puncture or two.
You got to choose between tightening your belt or losing your pants.
The cat with gloves catches no mice.
Age has been perfect fire extinguisher for flaming youth.
You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.
He is like a one-legged man in a bum kicking competition.
The third umpires should be changed as often as nappies and for the same reason
Akhil-babu's letter to the Railway Department
Akhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New Delhi. It was also reproduced under the caption Travelers' Tales" in the Far Eastern Economic Review.
"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.
This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honor to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers."
Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?...............................It apparently led to introduction of toilets in trains.
"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I doing the nuisance that guard making whistle blow for train to go off and I am running with lotah in one hand and dhoti in the next when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women on platform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.
This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that dam guard not wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honor to make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big report to papers."
Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?...............................It apparently led to introduction of toilets in trains.
Who is He?
After a long night of making love the young guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on a desk in the distance.
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously.
'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?' he asked.
'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.
'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'
Naturally, the guy began to worry.
'Is this your husband?' he inquired nervously.
'No, silly,' she replied, snuggling up to him.
'Your boyfriend then?' he asked.
'No, not at all,' she said, nibbling away at his ear.
'Well, who is he then?' demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, 'That's me before the operation.'
Good Ones To Laugh
1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.
5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC
6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the SAME time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your Friends.
7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.
If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.
9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
12. "A Ship is always safe at the shore - but that is NOT what it is built for" - Albert Einstein
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